When Grace Raises Your Kids

I am a pastor of a church that meets in an elementary school, and as a result, my kids—as well as the children of other attendees—usually run around and play games like hide and seek before church begins.

This past Sunday, my oldest daughter Katie (age 8) came to my wife and me with wet clothes. Upon questioning, she informed us that our youngest daughter Kenzie (age 3) was, in her words, “throwing water at the kids and on the floor.”

That spurred a prompt response from my wife, who retrieved Kenzie, sat her down, and explained that throwing water was a no-no. Meanwhile, Katie and the other kids grabbed some paper towels to clean up the floor as Kenzie wailed away.

As church started, Katie acted a little subdued. We were down in numbers, and I assumed she was simply not as energized about church. However, my wife Alissa, as moms tend to do, picked up on something different—she knew Katie was wrestling with something.

Later, when we sat on the couch at home, Alissa got straight to the point and asked Katie if she had been totally honest with us. Katie responded that she had not. It turned out that Kenzie was not the only one throwing water that morning—Katie and the other children had been as well. It then became even more difficult for Katie when she confessed that she was the lead player in the scenario.

We talked about how she had thrown Kenzie “under the bus” that morning, emphasizing the importance of having respect for the school. We also mentioned that we would decide on a consequence for her actions later.

Titus 2:11-12 tells us that “the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.” That word “training” can also be rendered as “instructing” or “teaching”—the grace of God came alive in Katie’s life and taught her, well before we could question her further, that her actions were not godly. She sat under such conviction by the Spirit of God that, for her, church became a miserable place.

Some may say that is a horrible feeling for a child, but I’m not so sure. What will profit Katie better in the future? To live out of control and to be able to put on a “false face” in life, especially in church, or to be subject to the power of the grace of God which seeks to mold her into His image? I vote for the latter.

What was the consequence for her actions? She felt bad enough, so there was no need to heap on additional shame or regret. Since her actions had harmed her sister, her consequence was to do something that would help Kenzie—like cleaning her sister’s room on Sunday afternoon. It was a well-learned lesson, I believe.

{Originally published in 2010}